Category: Coping with Difficulties

The Power of Imagination!

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us

– Ephesians 3:20

Someone messaged me yesterday morning after reading my devotional for yesterday and shared her story having identified with my experience. I felt led to call and minister to her so I asked her permission to do so. She consented and I called her. During our conversation, after I had prayed with her, the Holy Spirit quickened a rhema Word in my spirit and new revelatory knowledge about “the power of imagination”. It wasn’t only for her but Daddy was continuing my healing and deliverance process with my very ministry to her. You see what I encouraged her I am yet to totally conquer. As I reflected throughout the day on what transpired yesterday morning, I was inspired to continue sharing my story as difficult and painful as somethings are to share because others are being healed and delivered by my story and God is being gloried, which is my only reason and heart’s desire for sharing my story. 

In Ephesians 3:20 the Apostle Paul emphasizes, “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us”.

I would like to elaborate on the following phrase and words in this verse to give us an understanding of the true essences of what the Holy Spirit revealed to me yesterday morning.

The phrase “exceeding abundantly” comes from the Greek word perissos, which means superabundant or superior or excessive (Hebrew – Greek Key Word Study Bible).

The word “ask” comes from the Greek word aiteō, which means to ask, beg, call for, crave, desire, require (Hebrew – Greek Key Word Study Bible).  

The word “think” is a translation of the Greek word noieō and means to exercise the mind – observe or to comprehend, heed – consider, perceive, think, understand or to see with the mind (Hebrew – Greek Key Word Study Bible).

This tells me that not only is God able to do superabundant or superior or excessive above all we ask, beg, call for, crave, desire, require but also what we observe or comprehend, heed – consider, perceive, think, understand or see with our mind’s eyes – our imagination. I believe that we can use our imagination to perceive the things we desire of God and He will grant them unto us. Therefore, I encourage you to use your imagination to see only that which is good and positive because God can only manifest in the natural the things in your imagination that are good since, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17). God is Good and Perfect, He is a Good and Perfect Father and He only gives His children good and perfect gifts.

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Adopted by My Heavenly Father

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

– Romans 8:15

My father and I lived in the same house from the day I was born until the day he died almost 12 years ago. I respected him and honoured his as a father because that is what God expects of me. What I admired about my father were that he was a quiet man. He never got in any argument or confusion with anyone. I remember there was a neighbour who would curse him out for whatever reasons and he answered her not a word. I never heard him use profanities, nor saw him use substances like alcohol or cigarette or marijuana. He was a very talented and intelligent man. I admired the way he kept the yard and planted the kitchen garden. I have grown to appreciate gardening because of my father. He never laid a hand on me nor raised his voice at me.

However, my father also did many things that caused me and I am sure also the rest of my family severe heartache and emotional pain. I blamed him for my mother’s leaving and resented him for the emotional pain he caused me. Even though my father was present in the house for me he was absent. It was as though he didn’t exist. We never bonded so we didn’t have much of a relationship and we hardly had conversations. I felt rejected and neglected by my father. Nonetheless, I craved his validation and praise, his security, his friendship, his guidance and counsel, and most importantly his love, affection, embrace and comfort.

In all my years of knowing my father he told me “I love you” once, and that was a few months before he died. I was in Barbados at university and it was December, I had decided to stay there for Christmas. My father called because he didn’t see me come home so he was just checking and before he ended the call he said to me, “I love you”. I heard him but I had absolutely no reaction to it. I wasn’t moved by it. I didn’t accept it. I didn’t believe it. I never got a chance to see him alive again after that telephone call. He died the summer of the following year as again I had stayed in Barbados for summer school that year.

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God Works All Things for Your Good!

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

– Romans 8:28

I used to think that I was the black sheep in my family because I failed all the time. By the time I got to Grade 6 I had already failed so many times that I had only one chance to write the then Common Entrance Exams now called CPEA, and I failed. Anyway, my mother took me to the Emmanuel High School Mesopotamia (EHSM) to take the Entrance Exams for the school and again I failed. However, my failing didn’t stop my mother from trying to get me admitted to the school. On that first September morning of school my mother took me to the school dressed in the school’s uniform and ensured that she had my school fees. My mother presented me to the then Principal, Ms Grace Eustace and asked her to give me a chance to get a secondary education at the school. That morning I was admitted to the school and there began that phase of my life. When everyone else in my family went to school in Kingstown I went to Mesopotamia. I felt ashamed because I thought that EHSM was not a good school since it was not located in Kingstown. Having to take two buses to get to school was a big stressor for me so I struggled a lot with anxiety every morning and evening when it was time to take the bus.

EHSM is a Christian secondary school and every morning from Monday to Friday there was a general devotion or assembly before classes began. On Wednesdays the Inter School’s Christian Fellowship (ISCF) was responsible for leading and there I had the opportunity to participate by either sharing an exhortation from the Word of God or leading in worship or to pray.

Furthermore, I was privileged to have had a sponsor through the Canadian Christian Children Fund programme at the school. My sponsor sent monies to assist with my school fees and school supplies. She also sent me monies and cards on my birthdays and Christmas time. We communicated via letters through the school. After I left school we continue to keep in touch up to this day. In 2011 I was in Toronto Canada and I had the opportunity to meet my sponsor face to face for the first time. It was a very pleasant experience. She is a beautiful white woman inside and out and has really been a blessing to my life. She is a professional graphic designer, now retired, and my personal graphic designer. She designed my logo, appointment card, business card and letterhead for my NGO.

In Romans 8:28 the Apostle Paul states that “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” I do believe that all things here refer to even the bad, negative, unpleasant, unwanted things that the enemy attacks us with. They also work together for our good, though they are not good or do us any good. Those who love God He has called according to His purpose. God has a purpose for our lives and a plan to carry out His purpose for our lives. Even though the enemy may try to curtail and sabotage God’s purpose for our lives, God works all things together for our good and uses the very plans and attacks of the enemy to accomplish His purposes for our lives. The journey may take a while longer to come to fruition but we will surely reach our destination successfully.

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Forgiveness Benefits You!

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

– Matthew 6:12

Yesterday morning I was assisting my mum prepare to go for dialysis and she asked me to do something for her. I was doing something else at the time so I told her to wait a minute because I can’t multitask as I am not like most people. Actually, the thought that came to my mind was that I am not like normal people but I didn’t say it out loud as I was pondering what normal looks like for me. My big sister who raised me after my mum left was also in the room and in that moment I remembered some of my childhood unpleasant experiences. Without hesitancy, I said, “That’s why when I was a child my big sister beat the daylights out of me for every little thing. I didn’t sweep the floor fast enough she beat me. I didn’t take the clothes off the line fast enough she beat me. I didn’t eat fast enough she beat me. I didn’t answer fast enough when she called she beat me.” I got licks for doing everything too slowly. My big sister asked me if she really did that to me and I told her yes. She then said that she doesn’t remember and told me if she did she is sorry.

I took that opportunity to express to her how I felt about being beaten for everything that I thought I had no control over. I told her that I thought she hated me and I was terribly afraid of her. Therefore, I had to spend a lot of time in counselling to overcome those feelings and learn to be assertive. I also let her know that when I got older I understood that it was not her intention to hurt me but that was the best way she knew to discipline. She was a very strict, no nonsense person and highly respected by everyone.

I remember that because I was very peculiar with food, I hated food so my big sister forced me to eat and licks were usually her way of getting me to eat. The more she beat me to eat, the more I hated food. Often times as soon as she turned her back I would induce vomit to get rid of the food and in my mind I said to myself, “I am not eating for spite.” Thinking that I was spiting my big sister but I was actually hurting myself.    

I had already forgiven my big sister. After all she was a young adult with two young children of her own and was given the responsibility of caring for nine younger siblings with no parental training or skills. I can only imagine what that was like for her.

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The God Kind of Faith!

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

– Romans 10:17

When I was a teenager I discovered a lump in my breast. I remember how scared I was so I checked every minute to see if it was growing. I kept it to myself for a long time because I didn’t know how to tell anyone about it. One day I heard a lady talking about breast cancer and she said a woman can know if she has breast cancer once she has a lump under her arm. From that moment I consistently checked under my arm for lumps every day. I was paranoid. The devil had sown a seed of fear in my heart. Then I couldn’t bear the fear anymore so I told my mother about the lump in my breast. She couldn’t afford to take me to a doctor. However, at that time there were Methodist missionaries from the USA who were having various clinics in Georgetown at the hospital so my mother took me there to see a doctor and I had a surgery to remove the lump. Nevertheless, that was not the end of that issue as I later discovered several more lumps in my breasts. By then I was already struggling with anxiety disorder and depression which got worst. Anyway, as a young adult when I was able to afford it, I went to see a doctor who told me that I had lumpy breast and it wasn’t anything to worry about. She sent me to do the necessary medical examinations to confirm her diagnosis and indeed the results showed that she was correct. However, the seed of fear that the devil had sown in my heart had already germinated and borne fruits. I didn’t believe the doctor’s report so I continued to look for the lump under my arm, thinking that it would appear someday. Therefore, I had two more surgeries to remove lumps from my breasts. After the third surgery, I learnt that surgeries leave scar tissues on the inside which can hide potential dangerous lumps so I decided then that I will not have another surgery.

As if that was not enough, as a young adult I went to a doctor because I was having severe problems with my stomach. The doctor sent me to do several medical examinations and blood tests. One of the blood tests result came back positive for H Pie Laurie bacteria. When I went back to the doctor for the results, she told me about the H Pie Laurie bacteria and explained to me what it was. In her explanation she mentioned that it is a bacteria in the stomach that causes stomach ulcer and eventually cancer in the stomach. I looked at her with frightening eyes at the mentioned of the “C” word that I was already paranoid about. She assured me that I may not get cancer in my stomach at that point in time but it’s possible when I get older. Again, the devil sowed more seeds of fear in my heart. The issue with my stomach only got worst over the years and I was diagnosed with chronic gastritis and irritable bowel syndrome.

The words of the lady and doctor reverberated in my ears day and night. The seeds of fear and anxiety that the enemy sowed from hearing those words plagued my mind. I didn’t have the faith to believe for anything positive and good. I needed to let the Word of God stir up my faith but even when I tried to read or listen to God’s Words, they seemed to have gotten drowned out by the lies of the enemy.

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The Lance of Prayer

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit…

– Ephesians 6:18

I have learnt the importance of prayer for as long as I can remember myself. Therefore, praying has become a part of my life. It hasn’t always been easy to pray especially in the times when I was unwell. However, even though I might have slipped up in my prayer life at times, I never cease praying. I have experienced frustration, anxiety and depression from apparent unanswered prayers. There were things that I had prayed about and hoped for many years yet no answers. I remember telling God His own Word says that hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). However, He admonished me to hold fast the profession of my faith without wavering because He is faithful to keep His promises (Hebrews 10:23) and that His promises are yes and amen (2 Corinthians 1:20). I was yet to learn how to use the “lance” of prayer.

I strongly believe that it is impossible to overemphasize the immense need that people have to really pray as prayer is the most important basic need of human beings. Therefore, prayer is a must and not a choice. Jesus instructs His disciples in Matthew 6:5-6 saying, “And when you pray… “. Notice He did not say if you pray but when you pray. In addition, Jesus told them in Luke 18:1, “…that men ought always to pray, and not to faint.” Believers, prayer ought to play an integral role in our individual lives and our ministries. We must be sure to use the “lance” of prayer.

The weaponry lance enabled the Roman soldier to assault his enemy from a distance; therefore, every Roman soldier ensured that he always carried his lance.

Prayer is like the weaponry “lance”. Even though in Ephesians 6 in his list of weaponry the lance is not mentioned specifically by the Apostle Paul, in verse 18 it is suggested when he writes, “Praying always with all prayer…” With the lance of prayer, each believer is able to strike the enemy from a distance, causing him great injury that paralyzes him when he tries to come any nearer! (Renner, 2003).

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Sword of the Spirit – The Word of God

And take…the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

– Ephesians 6:17

My struggle with anxiety, depression and eating disorders began in my early adolescence. I had already committed my life to the Lord as a child so I cultivated a life of worship unto God. My only desires were to know Jesus intimately, and to be like Him – to love and have compassion like Jesus did. Yet, I struggled in secret and silence, plagued by mental ill health. As a youth, I realized that what I was experiencing was beyond my ability to help myself so I reached out to the Pastor’s wife at the Church I attended at the time. It was a bold step for me given the fact that I had trust issues. Before I was finished expressing to her what I was grappling with, she cut me off and said to me, “that’s because you are not praying enough.” At that moment I tuned out so whatever else she said I didn’t hear. I felt judged and condemned. How dare her tell me that I am not praying enough when that was furthest from the truth. All I knew to do was to pray, worship and read my Bible. At that moment I decided that I will never again talk to anyone else about the struggles I had. From then on, I carried the guilt of betraying myself by talking to her in the first place. I blamed myself for what she said to me because had I not gone to her and shared my challenges then she would not have had the chance to say that to me. It bothered me for a very long time. Then one early morning while praying about it, a Scripture verse came into my heart, it says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1). I felt lead to say it out loud and repeated it several times. The end result was that feeling of condemnation disappeared. I had used “the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God” but at that time I didn’t know that’s what it was.  

The Roman soldier’s sword was created similarly to a long dagger that was intended to be used in close battle, it was absolutely indispensable to his ability to attack, overcome, and defeat his adversary.  This sword was double-edged. The end was up to 19 inches long or sometimes shorter. It was razor sharp on both sides of the blade. The tip pointed upwards and twisted like a cork screw. This razor sharp dagger-type sword with a cork screw tip could easily be thrust into the enemy’s abdomen and shred the inside of a victim by twisting the sword, causing the victim horrid pain as he lay bleeding to death (Renner, 2003).

The Apostle Paul in Ephesians 6:17 taught that every believer in Christ has “…the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

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Helmet of Salvation – The Mind’s Protection

And take the helmet of salvation…

– Ephesians 6:17

One of the contributing factors to my struggle with anxiety and depression was physical ill health. It will take many pages for me to share the health challenges that I have experienced so I wouldn’t go into details. However, I would like to emphasize that the emotional and physical pain I experienced were so severe that often times I thought that I wasn’t going to make it. Between being physically ill and the suicidal attempts I thought that I would have been dead a long time ago. As a believer in Christ, I knew that Jesus died so that I can be healed but I didn’t know how to receive my healing. I had been prayed for by many over the years but still suffered relentlessly. I knew about salvation but I didn’t have the revelation of how to apply my salvation for my healing.  

The Roman soldier’s helmet was made either of brass or some other type of metal, it was especially fitted to the shape of the soldier’s head, thus protecting the head from receiving a mortal wound from an arrow, a sword, or an ax. It was a fascinating and flamboyant piece of armour, very ornate and intricate. Highly decorated with all kinds of engravings and etchings, the helmet looked more like a beautiful piece of artwork than a simple piece of metal formed to fit the head of a soldier. The decorations on the Roman soldier’s helmet depicted pastoral farm scenes, complete with all kinds of animals and fruits as well as a huge plume of brightly coloured feathers or horse hair stood straight up from the top of the helmet (Renner, 2003).

Interestedly, a soldier wearing a helmet is easily noticed – he can’t be missed. This helmet was not simply a beautiful piece of weaponry tightly wrapped about his head but a defensive weapon designed to save a man’s head. If a soldier wasn’t wearing his helmet, he was endangered as he would surely lose his head to his enemies’ battle-ax.

The Apostle Paul declares in Ephesians 6:17, the good news that God has provided every believer with “the helmet of salvation” to protect his mind from the mental assaults of the enemy.

The word “helmet” is derived from the Greek word perkephalaia, which is a compound of the words peri and kephale. The word peri means around, and the word kephale is the Greek word for the head. When these two words are compounded together the word perkephalaia means a piece of armour that fits very tightly around the head (Renner, 2003).

The Holy Spirit compared salvation to the Roman soldier’s helmet because your salvation is the most gorgeous, most intricate, most elaborate, most ornate gift God ever gave to you! (Renner, 2003)

This marvellous gift is described by the Apostle Paul as the “helmet of salvation”, as he compared salvation with these flamboyant helmets worn on the head of the Roman soldiers that made them noticeable. In essence, what the Apostle Paul expresses is very important, that is, once you confidently wear your salvation as a helmet tightly wrapped about your head, this piece of defensive weapon would protect your mind against the mental attacks of your enemy. Furthermore, attired in the helmet of salvation you will be confidently assured of and walk in the powerful reality of all that your salvation package entails, and a noticeable person.  

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Shield of Faith – The Body’s Protection

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

– Ephesians 6:16

I bloomed late in life because I failed a lot. Therefore, it took me longer than usual to accomplish academically. I saw myself as a failure and constantly experienced performance anxiety because of the fear of failing. Hence, I never finished an exam as time always ran out on me, since a lot of the time was taken up trying to calm my nerves in order to actually begin the exams. Every time I failed that enemy will whisper in my ears, “you are always going to be a failure”, “You could never do anything right”, “why don’t you give up trying?” These were some of the fiery darts that the enemy of my soul attacked me with over and over and over again. After a while, I learnt how to quench them with my faith in God as a shield.

The Roman soldier’s shield was long, door-shaped, and covered with leather hide. In order for the shield to remain soft and flexible the soldier lubricated it every day. This ensures that the shield wouldn’t be penetrated by arrows that struck it, instead those arrows would fall to the ground as they slide off the shield.

The Apostle Paul in Ephesians 6:16 asserts that as a believer, you are specially outfitted with a “…shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.” Therefore, he admonishes you saying, “Above all, take the shield of faith…”

Some people believe that because the Apostle Paul uses the phrase “above all” it means that the shield of faith is the most important piece of weaponry in the whole armour of God. However, it isn’t the most important piece of weaponry. It was already established that the loinbelt of truth which is the Word of God is the central, most important piece of weaponry since it supports all the other pieces of weaponry.

The phrase “above all” comes from the Greek phrase epi pasin. The word epi means over. The word pasin mean all or everything. This phrase therefore describes the position faith should have over the other pieces of armour. It could be better translated, “out in front of all…” or “covering all…” (Renner, 2003).

It means then, that the phrase “above all” unequivocally conveys to you that your “shield of faith” is expected to be out front where it can completely cover you and protect you from injury. Hence, God intends for you to keep your shield of faith in this out front and covering position where it can guard you from lethal assaults from your adversaries.

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Killer Shoes – The Peace of God

And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

– Ephesians 6:15

Several years ago on my return home from university after completing my first degree, I was sent to an educational institution to work. Shortly after I began working at that institution, I was continuously sexually harassed by a male colleague. This sexual harassment continued for a while and was witnessed by other colleagues. To them it was all a joke and I was told by a few female colleagues not to bother with him since that was what he did to every new female who joined the staff. I took their word for it so I ignored him every time, keeping silent but the more he sexually harassed me the more uncomfortable I was. After, a while that uncomfortableness turned into fear, anxiety and depression to the point that I dreaded going to work. One Valentine’s Day I arrived at work and met him standing outside the staffroom door. I hadn’t even entered the staffroom as yet when he proceeded to harass me sexually again. I walked pass him, went into the staffroom and sat at my desk. He followed me into the staffroom and continued. At that point I couldn’t take it anymore so I spoke out for the first time. I told him that because I had been silent and ignoring him all that time didn’t mean that I appreciate his sexual harassment and I need him to stop or I would make a complain to the Principal. One of my female colleagues who was present in the staffroom at the time said, “I never heard Miss Haynes speak out like this, this must really be something affecting her.” Did he stop after that? Of course he didn’t stop. The next time he did it I made a complaint to the Principal and he was confronted in the presence of the Principal, a senior staff member and myself, and of course he arrogantly denied it. The matter was then reported to the appropriate authorities with whom I attended a meeting and was told of my rights. However, I decided not to take any further action against my perpetrator. I just wanted him to stop sexually harassing me so that I could look forward to going to work. I became unstable in my emotions and lost footing in the battle described above because I didn’t know the peace of God.

The Roman soldier dressed in shoes that were brutal weapons. These shoes were heavy-duty and covered on the top with thick leather to protect the soldier’s legs from dangers in his environment and blows from his adversary, also on the top of the toe and the back of the heel were fitted with hobnails. Additionally, on the undersides of the shoes they were heavily spiked with hobnails. These spikes protected the soldier against attacks from his adversary by keeping his feet firmly grounded as his enemy buffeted him around.

In Ephesians 6:15 the Apostle Paul makes mention of these shoes when he talks about our feet being “…shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.” Here he associated these vicious, killer shoes with peace.

I will like to draw your attention to two words referred to by the Apostle Paul in this verse, “shod” and “preparation”. These will help us understand why he associated the soldier’s killer shoes with peace.

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